Wednesday, January 10, 2007

President Bush's Priorities

Not exactly in the right place.

Amount of time afforded the casket of a former commander-in-chief, whose staff formed the entire backbone of your administration:
"a brief one-minute visit" (which others have suggested was as short as 7 seconds if you can imagine that).
Amount of time afforded elementary school students reading aloud during the very most important moments of your presidency:
the longest five minutes in American history.

In fact, in honor of these priorities, I propose them as units of time along side the classic Friedman Unit or F.U. (e.g., around 6 months) and the Khalilzad (a couple of months, more commonly two months)

Ford: 1) A brief moment of approximately 7 seconds or less. 2) The amount of time necessary to give the bare minimum of an appearance of caring. Usage: I heard Jonah Goldberg passed away today after his brain exploded when he was drafted to go to Iraq due to the Surge VII: The Tsunami®, new and improved with selective service. I felt sympathy for a Ford but then was overwhelmed by the combined onslaught of irony and schadenfreude.

peegee: (see also p.g., or sometimes as peeg, short for a pet goat): 1) a unit of time approximately five to seven minutes in length. Usage: I'll be there in a peegee - I just have to finish this blog post. 2) the amount of time it takes one to remove one's head from one's a**. Varies widely depending on the size of the a** involved and the depth with which the head has been planted. Usage: I used to spend time worrying about the consequences of withdrawal but after a peeg I realized that they paled in comparison to the vast and wanton destruction that invading and remaining in Iraq has wrought and continues to work upon Iraq, the United States, and the Middle East as a whole. Note: for the Poor Man Institute, this peeg might be on the order of a Ford or shorter. For Jason Zengerle, one suspects it might be on the order of years. For people born on third base with a silver head up their a**, a peeg may well asymptotically approach infinity.

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